Doing It Alone


Raising a child on your own without any help from the child's father is not the fairytale that most girls dream of. But sadly it is the reality that many women nowadays have to face, the main reason behind this influx in single moms is because of a shift in society that has occurred. Sex is no longer reserved for loving, committed relationships like it once was and “casual sex” has increased. The problem with this being when someone gets pregnant men take the “no strings attached” label a little to far and disappear off of the face of the earth. 


One single mom, who wanted to remain anonymous, thought she learned her lesson when she was in her early 20s and had a son by a man who had no interest in raising a child but twelve years later she found herself in the same position again when she got pregnant by her longtime boyfriend. Now in her 40s she thought she had met the one and believed all of his lies but a few weeks after finding out that she was pregnant she went home to their shared apartment to find all of his stuff gone. Upon further investigation she discovered that he had quite his job and seemed to literally fall off the face of the earth. Now five years later she is raising both of her children on her own and has not heard from her daughters father since he disappeared. “I think that in this day and age people don’t have values anymore. How can you just abandon a little person that is half of you? Maybe men don’t have the same connection with the baby immediately that women do, who knows.” said the single mom of two. 


Demographers have discovered that half of all children will live with a single mom at some point in their lives before they turn eighteen. 17.2 million children in the United States are living without a father and 40% of those children are living below the poverty line. These children are more likely to face financial struggles, low self esteem, poor living conditions and family instability even though they did nothing wrong, Why do men think that its alright to abandon a human that they created? In the past poor sex education was blamed for unexpected pregnancies and single moms but in the past couple of decades sex education has gotten a lot more in depth and informative so whats the excuse now? I think that a large part of this generation is entitled and spoiled, as a result they believe they can do whatever they want to whoever they want without any consequences, even their own children.


“My dad was never really around when I was growing up so my mom struggled to raise my brothers and I. We were on food stamps and never had enough money for what our friends did like field trips and new toys. The worst part though was when it was Valentines Day and all my friends would bring their dads to the Sweetheart Dance. I was the only girl there with my mom and now my dad so it was hard to ignore.” said Tiara. 


Men are not the only ones to blame for this increase in single mom. Many young women in unhealthy relationships believe that once they get pregnant their boyfriend will never leave them and be forced to stay with them forever. This obviously does not work and the only ones who truly suffer are the children who were brought into this world with bad intentions. So listen up ladies, babies will not fix your relationship! 


Another single mom can’t even get her sons father to spend a few hours every other week with them.“It’s really hard. I mean I am a nurse so I make good money but still my son’s father won’t even give them his time. That’s all I ask is for him to spend time with them, he can keep his money but getting him to see them every couple of weeks is always a struggle.” said Tara. 


The best solution to the rise in single moms in this country is simple, don’t have a baby until you are in a long-term committed relationship with someone and are financially stable. Motherhood will change everything about your world so make sure that you and your partner are ready for these changes.

By Kristen Catalano

Reflection Magazine